Popular daytime radio news entertainment personality Mark Belling has decided to leave his job of objectively informing the masses for a career in partisan politics and greed, to save the once-noble teaching profession.

“Belling has applied for a job at Mohican Falls High School as an English teacher to replace a retiring teacher active in the union. Belling hopes to acquire a role in the union himself, possibly on the negotiating team, which should excite current teachers, since Belling says, "I'm smarter than all of my enemies."
Mr. Belling’s bachelor’s degree in Mass Comm and no experience will allow him to start his teaching career with a lucrative lazy-educator salary.

Of his teaching philosophy, Mr. Belling says, "My subject matter is the world, and there are no areas which I won't get into." He also plans on not using any of the books currently in the English curriculum because they are objectionable. Students will also not read newspapers in Mr. Belling’s class because of their bias, so the classes will mostly read Belling’s own writing, and write scathing articles with little or no research and only a superior tone as support.
When asked how he could help the union, Belling quipped, “I will make the union stronger by ensuring teachers can get fired for being bad teachers and rewarded for getting kids to score higher on tests. And we’ll be more respected like the private school teachers because we’ll shut our mouths and work more hours. And summer vacation is over! We’re gonna work now!”